WHY DO I ALWAYS PUT EVERYONE ELSE FIRST?

I see how much you care, how deeply you hold onto your responsibilities, and how hard you try to make everything work, no matter what.

It feels as though everything and everyone depends on you, and you can't allow yourself a break because, if you do, everything will fall apart.

Your family, your job, your relationships, the life you've built... it's up to you to make it work, to be strong,
to keep going, and to make everyone happy.

Everyone asks for your help because they know they can count on you, and with every yes you say, you can feel another weight settling on your shoulders, another layer of heaviness quietly building in your heart.

But this is just how life works... right?

This is how things are, and you simply keep going because what else can you do? You've been taught to be strong, to carry on, to put one foot in front of the other regardless of how you feel.

And yet, somewhere inside of you, a quiet voice keeps whispering that things could be different.

It whispers that you matter, that what is happening inside of you matters.

That your needs, your feelings, your dreams, your exhaustion all deserve space to be seen and acknowledged.

But how do you even begin? What do you really feel?

After spending so long taking care of everyone else, it's easy to lose touch with yourself. Everything feels confusing,
yet if you're reading these words, a part of you already knows that something needs your attention.

It's time to create a little more space in your life... for you.

If this sounds familiar, take a deep breath with me.

You may simply have learned to prioritize everyone else over yourself.

Spoiler alert:
this is exactly how I grew up, so I know what it feels like.

The good news?

I also know that it doesn't have to stay this way, and I'd love to show you another path.

Why Do We Put Others First?

As I write these words, my mind travels back in time.

I was in my early twenties, attending one of the very first sound healing circles that would later become such an important part of my journey.
During one of the exercises, we were invited to do something that sounded incredibly simple:

Say "no."

Just two letters. And yet, I couldn't say them.

I still remember the huge knot in my throat, the tension in my body, and that tiny little word that simply refused to come out.

Those who know me today have a hard time believing that. I have no problem speaking my truth now.

I like to tell this story because if I was able to overcome this—and so many other things—it's because it's possible, and you can too.

I learned to speak my truth, to set boundaries, and to honour what I was genuinely feeling. But it didn't happen overnight. It required patience, self-awareness, and the willingness to gently unravel years of conditioning.

Each of us has our own story, our own emotional wounds, and our own reasons for putting others first.

But underneath those different stories, we often share the same fears.

We seek approval because we want to belong.

We fear disappointing the people we love.

We avoid conflict because we worry it might cost us connection.

So, little by little, we begin saying yes when we mean no. We become who others need us to be instead of who we truly are.
We learn to listen to everyone else's needs while slowly losing touch with our own.

Somewhere along the way, we learned that keeping everyone else happy was safer than being true to ourselves.

And that is where self-abandonment quietly begins, not in one big decision,
but in hundreds of tiny moments where we choose someone else's needs before our own, until we can no longer hear our own inner voice.

The Hidden Cost of Always Being There for Everyone

Before we go any further, let's be clear about something: caring for others is a beautiful thing. It's one of the qualities that makes us deeply human, and I would never want you to stop caring.

I love words and their meanings. I'm not an expert in etymology, but I'm fascinated by where words come from because,
even though English isn't my first language, I can feel them. Yes, my dear friend, I truly believe that words carry a vibration, an energy,
and if we slow down enough, we can feel what they hold.

So let's look at the word care.

The verb care comes from the Old English caru or cearu, meaning "sorrow, anxiety, grief," and also "burdens of the mind," "serious mental attention," and later, "concern" or "anxiety caused by the weight of many burdens." (Source: Etymonline.)

Can you feel the word now? Can you feel its weight?

Can you see how important it is to become conscious of what and who we choose to care for?

Let's go a little deeper.

What happens when we care for everyone except ourselves is that, little by little, we begin to disappear from our own lives.
We become invisible to ourselves first, and then, almost inevitably, to others as well. Relationships start to feel one-sided,
resentment quietly builds beneath the surface, and emotional exhaustion, anger, and irritability slowly become our normal,
yet most of the time we don't even understand why we feel the way we do.

Have you ever reached burnout?

Or maybe, out of nowhere, you reacted strongly to someone over something that seemed small. Perhaps, in that moment, it felt like the most important thing in the world, but deep down you knew that it wasn't really about that situation at all.

It was everything that had remained unspoken, everything you had carried, every time you had put yourself last.

Maybe you were simply longing for someone to see you, to understand how much you had been holding,
how much you had been giving, and how tired you had become.

And then, once it was all out... maybe guilt arrived.

I've been there too and I have good news: there is another way.

Because when we reach that point, it's simply because somewhere along the way we stopped caring for the one person
who needed us just as much as everyone else.

Ourselves.

And no, I'm not talking about caring less for others. Caring for others is a beautiful expression of who we are.

The first simple step is just this: Include yourself among the people you care for.

Self-Care Isn't Selfish, It's Self-Love

It is still too common to believe that self-care, self-love, and self-respect are signs of selfishness, egotistical behaviour, or putting yourself above others.

But have you ever stopped to truly look at what happens when you give too much care to others and leave nothing for yourself?

Do you really believe you know what others truly need? Do you really believe you always have the solutions for someone else's life? And don't you think that, sometimes, there is a little bit of ego hidden in the desire to hold everything together, to fix everything, to make sure everyone is okay?

For whom are you really doing it?

Because I'm sorry, but I need to say this, so take a deep breath, my dear friend:

People don't need you in that way. People don't need you in that way.

They don't need you to carry their life, their emotions, their choices, and their journey.
Those are things they need to experience and move through themselves, because this is how they learn, grow,
reconnect with their own strength.

Your role is not to save them.

Your role is to love them, to support them, and to walk beside them without losing yourself in their process.

And most importantly, you cannot truly care for and love others if you haven't learned to nurture yourself first.

Caring is a giving energy, and we cannot give what we don't have within ourselves.

I'm pretty sure you have already heard this sentence before, but I can tell you from experience that it is deeply, profoundly true.

There is nothing wrong with filling your own cup with love, presence, and care before pouring into others.
Actually, it is one of the healthiest things you can do.

Because when you give from emptiness, giving becomes a sacrifice.

But when you give from abundance, when your own heart is nourished, everything changes.

So What's Missing?

Just YOU.

And this is where Self-Commitment comes in.

Yes, after everything we have explored so far, I’m sure you have started to notice that what can truly change your situation is learning to place yourself in a different position in your own life.

Have you ever stopped to really notice where you are right now?

Not where you should be. Not what you still need to do. Not what everyone else needs from you.

But where you are, right now.

This is a beautiful moment to pause and bring awareness to this. But, how can you start?

You can receive my free PDF “Your Soulful Day”, where you can begin to create a different kind of day, one where you bring more presence, intention, and space for yourself, while learning to set boundaries and dedicate quality time to your own self-love.

And if you feel called to start with something very simple, you can also download my free 5-minute breathing practice and begin reconnecting with yourself, one conscious breath at a time. (you'll have to request access to it, I'll give it to you ass soon as I see it).

Start with something simple.

Something you can do is also creating a list of things that make you feel good, that make you feel alive, peaceful, nourished, or connected to yourself.

Then pause and ask yourself: “What do I need today?”

Not what should I do, not what does everyone else need from me.

But what do I truly need in this moment?

Maybe it is a walk in nature, a moment of silence, a nourishing meal, a yoga practice, a deep breath, a conversation, or simply allowing yourself to rest. Now, take your calendar and put them in. Yes, actually put yourself in your calendar.

Start listening to yourself again, because self-care begins when you create the space to hear your own inner voice.

Among all the things you have to do, all the people you need to take care of, all the appointments and responsibilities you carry... create a space that belongs only to you.

You don't need to deserve it, it's your because you life is precious and in order to have, you need to be IN it.

Here also a a Yin Yoga Practice to support you in taking the time to love and care for yourself.

To learn more about how we can work together, you can email me at soulfulharmonicyoga@gmail.com
or Book your Free Soulful Discovery Session HERE

If you feel to stay in touch and receive weekly practices and reflections, sign upfor the Soulful Notes Newsletter on the website, there's a gift waiting for you.

Thank you for your presence

Laura Rose

Conscious Mentor, Yoga and Meditation Teacher and Voice Facilitator